Sorry, It's All My Fault

“So tired after going to college and work; I shall go to bed for a rest now.” Exhausted Kyle

He goes home and lies on bed to rest.

“Kyle, I want to go to the barber shop later. Want to come with me? Your hair should also be cut now.” Requested Helen, Kyle’s sister

“I am already tired from work and education. I am resting now.” Replied Kyle

“Can a brother just be with his sister? I do not want to go alone. My friends are busy working and studying.” Called Helen

“Let me rest for 20 minutes.” Requested Kyle

“You have rested for an hour already. You will fall asleep and rest more than 20 minutes.” Claimed Helen

“Okay, call me when 20 minutes are up.” Claimed Kyle as he goes back to his break

20 minutes later, Helen calls Kyle to get up.

“Kyle, time to get up; don’t forget that you said you also want to buy clothes.” Called Kyle

“I’m getting dress now. I was busy recently so I didn’t have the chance to buy clothes.” Says Kyle

After preparing, Kyle and Helen leave the house and go to the barber shop for haircut. Later, they go shopping. Helen bought so many dresses and new arrival apparel. Kyle just bought a few shirts and trousers.

“Don’t buy too many. Watch how much you spend your money. I don’t want to use my hard earned money on you.” Warned Kyle

“I know you work hard. I won’t pick those expensive clothing.” Replied Helen

“Then, why are you looking at those skin creams and lotions. That dress is so expensive. You already had so many shoes. There is no need to buy things you already had.” Says Kyle

“Women are just like this. This is our custom. It’s also for socializing.” Says Helen

“But still control your spending.” Requested Kyle

After shopping, they go straight home. On the way home, Helen wants to go to another store.

“That store has so many cute cups. That blanket looks fabulous. That milk tea seems so delicious. I want to try that tasty ice cream.” Excited Helen

“Are you even thinking about our spending? I don’t want to be broke.” Says Kyle

“That dessert shop is cheap. It is okay to try a few snacks.” Claimed Helen

“Whatever, order a small amount.” Requested Kyle

At the store, Helen orders ice cream, cupcake, sundae, sandwich, and cookies.

“You ordered too much.” Says Kyle

“The total price is not expensive.” Says Helen

“That’s not my point, whatever.” Continued Kyle

After eating, Helen is full and has so many leftovers.

“Can you help me eat it? I’m already stuff. Throwing these away are such a waste.” Says Helen

“That’s why I told you do not order too much. You did this so many times already. Last time, you order so much at the barbeque and left so many food behind. I had to eat it all up for you. I don’t get why you women are like this.” Claimed Kyle

“You men should learn to get use to it. You have to deal with this with your girlfriend, too.” Says Helen

Kyle ate all the leftovers and felt so full. Later, they finally got home.

“I’m going to have a rest now; so tried from shopping.” Says Kyle in exhaustion

“You should exercise more tomorrow for eating so much and go to sleep afterwards.” Called Helen

At night, Helen calls Kyle to wake up.

“Kyle, it’s almost dinner.” Called Helen

“You have to learn how to cook now. I’m not always home like today.” Says Kyle

“I have school and work so I don’t have time.” Replied Helen

“I’m busier than you. There shall be no excuse. This is life.” Says Kyle

After dinner, he cleans the table and prepares before going to sleep.

“I’m going to sleep now. Don’t be up so late. I finish cleaning the floor and organizing the bed already.” Says Helen

“Thank you, you are still considerate sometime.” Says Kyle

After he finishes cleaning, he goes to bed.

“This is my daily task. I live with my sister, Helen. I left home for study. Then, Helen also wants to study here so she lives with me. However, she plans to earn enough money and find a better job. Then, she will leave and live outside. She is greedy and selfish sometimes but she is still considerate helping me out. Hanging out with her might last for couple times. After she leaves, I might be lonely again.” Thought Kyle as he goes to sleep

Primarily, Kyle studies abroad. He participated in communities to learn more about nature. At first, he had friends to be with. As time pass, his friends had to travel abroad for work and stayed here. Some were busy and had no time socializing. Seeing his friends leaving his sight is making him miserable for losing someone he is always with. He usually felt jealous for seeing his friends receive so many benefits for working hard. He felt jealous for seeing his friends had enjoyable career, stylish appearance, and better social life. He felt lonelier for seeing his friends spend less and less time with him and going to his local community. All he wants is to be like his friends with positive and enjoyable life. Recently, Helen also starts to barely hang out with Kyle. He is fear that Helen will also leave him once like his best friends did.

(Next morning)

“Time to go to school now.” Yawned Kyle

Helen left a note at on the table saying she will be home late today.

“She might have found a better job with fair payment now.” Thought Kyle as he leaves for school

After taking the bus, Kyle sees his friend, Alvin, walking in the campus. He goes to him.

“Hello, Alvin. Are you going to class now?” Asked Kyle

“Yes, I have to deal with so many hardships later.” Complained Alvin

“I know; we knew each other for so long already. You are jealous for seeing your close people achieved their goals and had perfect results. They obtain their own enjoyable career and style. You are jealous because you didn’t have perfect appearance than they do. You also don’t like people causing trouble to you.” Replied Kyle

“You don’t have to explain this specifically. I don’t like to hear these truths.” Grumbled Alvin

“Some passenger made you give up your seat or some sleepy passenger bombs their head into you again?” Joked Kyle

“Stop using those previous experiences again! I don’t want to face the past. It is the time to change myself.” Promised Alvin

“You changed quite much recently. That Buddhist lesson really turned you very mature.” Claimed Kyle

“You also changed because you also went there often. You are so lucky for obtaining your own enjoyable career and found a girlfriend. Especially, living at your enjoyable residence, I also want these goals to be achieved but I’m way behind.” Cried Alvin

“Everyone is different. You will achieve your goals someday.” Cheered Kyle

“Hope this will happen.” Says Alvin as they go to class

After Alvin goes to class, Kyle sits on a bench waiting for his class.

“I said those words to Alvin because I felt the same problem. Alvin also has a girlfriend, Celina. Their relationship seems to be better than mine. My girlfriend, Lily, is living far distance from my location. She seems to have found another man. I did contact her a few times but her voice sound uninterested talking to me. Alvin is happier than I. I do live in a nice neighborhood but I still have many things not matching my friends’ advantage life.” Cried Kyle

“Hello, Kyle.” Called Taylor, Kyle’s friend

“Hello, Taylor.” Replied Kyle

“I remember you study Buddha. There is going to be a sleepover event. There is also a fieldtrip event to the rural area where there are many mountains.” Asked Taylor

“Yes, you also go there occasionally.” Replied Kyle

“I would like to travel to the mountain hiking and enjoy the views that are not available in the urban area.” Says Taylor

“Why are you asking me these since you already know it?” Asked Kyle

“I want to know is there more events like this on tourism.” Says Taylor

“There is much tourism like this. You could check many communities and travel agency.” Says Kyle

“The colorful views of these forests and mountains can make me forget all the annoyances.” States Taylor

“That is true. We rarely see those types of views in here.” Says Kyle

“Human nature is very hard to deal with. People should be trained to behave while they were young.” Claimed Taylor

“In the past, people were communicating and socializing often. They were very polite and respect people. Even invite friends to come over. Now, the world has changed. Many people are depressed from not paying attention to important tasks. This is because of technologies and bad behavior. Many young people are going to bar, nightclub, or karaoke which can increase more abusive crimes. Developing areas are not good.” Claimed Kyle

“That is true. It is very hard to let a huge group of people receive our point to know what happiness is.” Added Taylor

“I don’t want to be the same as other people. Now, I want to be different from my surroundings to show my personality is not part of them.” Claimed Kyle

“This is your personality. Recently, I saw you are acting different from other people such as wearing colorful apparel, chat in different way, and not involve in any team. This shows unique people have faced the same issue like this.” Says Taylor

“In fact, everyone has their own problem. Just the person with too much hardship ended up like this.” Says Kyle

“This is life; it is very hard for a huge group of people to change this.” Says Taylor

At home, Kyle is writing his journal.

He writes, “My depression couldn’t be solved by myself. I really don’t want this to continue anymore but it’s hard. Helen is leaving soon and most of my friends had their own interests. Lily is treating me as a friend instead boyfriend. She might break up with me one day. I never believe anyone will like me in this world. I did so many horrible things before that cause a huge problem. Let’s talk about my recent feeling. I don’t want to mention my past because it is worse than my recent ones. After I join a community, my feeling was much better than before. However, I was still facing the human nature. People are acting the same as their surroundings like posting their shares in social network, attending fun activities for young people, dress the same way, obtaining better results than everyone, and more. They don’t even know doing these are causing hazards in their future. We just want to live a normal life and keep ourselves healthy. I am like this and this had cause nobody likes to talk to me. Their activities turned out into natures which cause more people to follow their traditions. This is bringing more harm to other people. Now, people with normal feelings have to sacrifice for following their own path. Many young people are not communicating like the ones from the past whom pleased each other. Many current youths have rude behavior and accept everything that is weird. This nation is also accepting it like drugs, nightclubs, smart phones, and more. I’m really afraid what will happen in the future. People being this lazy are not good. I really hope everyone knows the correct way to work in their life for better life in the future.”

Kyle continues writing in tears.

“I will say some parts about my past. I used to face more hardship than today. One day, my relatives came to my house. I was acting weird because I didn’t know how to communicate. I was not trained by my parents. When my cousins come near me, I didn’t greet like other people. I just said how she and he were doing recently instead saying ‘Hello’. Then, we played games that I invented. Later, we were fighting over for some new ways to play. Then, I told them why my ways were good for sharing fake stories. Then, my parents yelled at me for telling family fake stories. This leads into my relatives hate letting them play with me anymore. This is not the only one. There were even more stories like this more badly. My personality is very sensitive toward these hardships.”

After he is finished, Kyle plans to see his psychologist.

(Next day)

“You seem to have trouble with your life.” Says Dr. Saul

“Yes, I have so many pressures.” Replied Kyle

“What’s the reason?” Asked Dr. Saul

“Whenever I saw my friends were having a happy moment together and obtain perfect lifestyle, I always become jealous. I also want it but I don’t know how to communicate. I’m not an anti-social. Just don’t know how to communicate and socialize with people for positive effects. Now, I still didn’t obtain a small piece of their advantage.” Explained Kyle

“Your mind wants to be like what other success individuals have. It is not good being the same as others. If you dressed the same as your friends, they will think you are copying their style so they will feel you are weirder. Think about other people’s feeling. Don't just focus on yourself. You want people to be happy? Then, you have to understand their feeling and follow your own path. There are many people around that also want to be like you. If they dress like you so how do you feel?” Asked Dr. Saul

“I will think they are copying my style is not fair. They should use their own ways for their work.” Replied Kyle

“That’s the choice. You will also not feel good. Since you also like people to be happy together, it’s not good that someone wants to break them up and doesn’t want them to be happy. You will also not feel good when someone is trying to break you up with a group of friends. Learn to avoid having those greedy and selfish feeling. Follow your own path.” Says Dr. Saul

Kyle thinks Dr. Saul is right. He really wants to keep his friends happy but it is hard for him to work on it.

(Next day)

“Lily just called me and said she wants to break up with me. Why does she do that to me since I love her! After explaining, she still wants to leave me.” Cried Kyle

“What happen, Kyle?” Asked Helen

“Lily broke up with me.” Replied Kyle

“That’s bad. Be strong and don’t feel so down. You will find someone you truly love.” Says Helen

“I’m not in the mood now.” Cried Kyle

“Okay, I came to tell you that I’m moving out soon. We can go to the restaurant for dinner someday.” Says Helen

“Remind me when you have time.” Says Kyle as he goes to his room

Kyle starts to write on his journal again, “Close people are really leaving me. I hate to see enjoyable moment going away. But I have to deal with it. This is also part of the reason why I kept on studying and practicing my hobby to keep myself busy. My life is full of hardships. My goal is to earn my degree here and move to place where I can live happily. I know when I speak; people won’t like my words because it’s not comfortable for them. This means I don’t know how to communicate. I can’t learn by myself. If I can, then I won’t struggle for years to communicate well. I feel I really have no life.”

(Next day)

Kyle is walking on the street and his friend, Alan, calls him.

“Kyle.” Called Alan at the street

“Hello, Alan.” Says Kyle

“How have you been recently?” Asked Alan

“I’m fine. What about you?” Asked Kyle

“Same. Have you tried to travel abroad?” Asked Alan

“Not yet. I’m still working on it. Finding a better career in other country requires so many educations.” Says Kyle

“Since you want to explore to Taiwan; you could do teaching work. After 2 years, more jobs will be available for you. You also like volunteer to help clean the environment and grow crops. There are so many positions like this available over there.” Says Alan

“But I don’t know Chinese that well. I was raised in here and didn’t see much Chinese characters.” Says Kyle

“You should focus more time on your career instead any activities that do not relate to your career. Use your time and effort on useful lessons.” Says Alan

“I know but I have many customs that are not good for socializing and learning. It is very hard to break it.” Says Kyle

“You can do your basic learning now and change it into new skills. You are still young and able to change your hobby.” Says Alan

“I want to learn to communicate but my life has too much work on the way and has to deal with it. Also, I look at comics to reduce stress. These are sweeping away my time for my career.” Says Kyle

“Now is the time to cut these hobbies and change into new ones. There is nothing that can stop you. Many famous people were facing so much hardship but they succeed at the end. Every single one always said they achieved their goals by working very hard on their work. They always work on their skills and didn’t even leave it for a long time. We cannot depend on our talent. We have to learn to be independent by working on our skill. Every success requires long term working condition.” Says Alan

“You are right. I really have to change my habit. After being staying at this current habit didn’t bring me anywhere all these years.” Promised Kyle

After listening to Alan, Kyle barely stays home recently. He often goes outside to explore.

“Today might be a busy day for looking to explore. There will be a Chinese class with fair price. I should go sign up now.” Says Kyle as he goes to the building to sign up for his Chinese class

“Hello, may I help you?” Asked the associate

“I want to sign up for Chinese class.” Replied Kyle

“Okay, can I have your identification and complete this survey to see which class level you should be in?” Claimed the associate

“Okay.” Says Kyle as he gives her his identification card and completing the survey

After he is done, he hands it to the associate.

“Okay, you are eligible to be in intermediate level Chinese and the price is written down here.” Suggested the associate

“That is fine. Here is the cash.” Says Kyle as he hands her the tuition

“Thank you, class begins next few days. See you soon.” Smiled the associate

“Thank you.” Replied Kyle as he leaves

Suddenly, his phone rings. It was from Alvin.

“Hello, Kyle.” Says Alvin “Hello, Alvin, what is it?” Asked Kyle

“Do you know how to keep up relationship and its career?” Asked Alvin

“Why you ask this question?” Asked Kyle

“Celina broke up with me because she thinks I love Hailey even she is just my friend. I feel so bad for not contacting Celina for months from being busy to socialize and study.” Replied Alvin

This is the same issue that Kyle thinks he might have in the future.

“Well, you should explain the whole situation together with her. Since she thinks you are cheating on her for not contacting her so long, you three should discuss it together. Start from the beginning when you two first met and what happened between. If anyone of you caused this problem to happen, one should apologize.” Says Kyle

“The problem is that she won’t take my reason seriously. I was really busy because I have to obtain my education and communicate for better group help.” Says Alvin

“You could have just given her a brief message and let her know you still have her.” Says Kyle

“I was really busy and really tired. I forgot to do it often but it doesn’t mean I didn’t have her. It’s hard for me to solve this.” Says Alvin

“If you want to keep up your relationship and education, you should find a few ways to handle it. Discuss the problems together so there will be solutions to this. Then, you can obtain your education. She might understand since she loves you and you also love her.” Says Kyle

“Maybe I should do it. I want this problem to be solved immediately.” Says Alvin as he hangs up

“This problem might happen to me soon. This is natural. We have to find our career and lover.” Says Kyle

Few days later, Kyle has been outside almost every day to find the answer to his problem. In the afternoon, he goes to a small restaurant to grab some lunch.

“Kyle, how time no see.” Called a girl sitting at the table

“May, you look different since the last time I saw you.” Says Kyle

“You also change quite a bit but I could still recognize you.” Says May

“You are still the same for eating rice with meal every time when we hang out.” Says Kyle

“You can order your food here since nobody sits here. I’m just on my break after work. I have to return soon.” Says May

“Okay, I’m going to order now.” Says Kyle

He orders rice with spinach and roasted duck. After he was served, they began eating. May goes into a conversation.

“Have you made any new friends?” Asked May

“I made some. Why ask this?” Asked Kyle

“You used to be alone and depressed often. I usually saw you with a sad face. I just want to know have you made any friends to communicate. It is better to discuss your mental issue with psychologist.” Says May

“I am still facing my mental health. It is very hard. Currently, I’m working seriously on it to recover.” Replied Kyle

“It is better to change your current habit into new ones to see whether it matches your personality.” Claimed May

“Changing personality is really hard. It is too much pressure but I will do it for greater results.” Says Kyle

“It is all up to you. We all have to learn to be independent.” Stated May

Kyle takes her words in mind to work on it. After hearing so much from Taylor, Alvin, Alan, and May; he is trying real hard for solution. One day, he is walking around and sees a poster saying there will be a tennis contest.

“I will join the team and try to win the game. Since tennis is one of my hobbies.” Says Kyle

Then, Kyle signed up for the tennis contest and practice playing. He spends so much time practicing with fewer breaks.

“Kyle, you should get some rest since you have been playing for 2 hours non-stop.” Says Jacky, his teammate

“I’m okay. My body doesn’t feel exhausted. I still feel energetic.” Says Kyle

“Even your mind is awake but your body still needs some rest. It’s not good to cause body collapse.” Say Jacky

“I want to help our team win. Even my body fell down, I will still continue.” Says Kyle

“Your body doesn’t develop while you’re playing. It develops while you rest. Having more rest and then play can improve your skill.” Says Jacky

“Then, I shall have some rest. Just 10 minutes.” Replied Kyle

In fact, Jacky knows Kyle has mental issue and really wants to be recovered. He made him rest so he won’t hurt himself for practicing above average people.

(Few days later)

“Today is the contest, let’s do it.” Says Kyle

All the teammates were warming up to prepare for the contest.

“Listen, everyone. Enjoy the game. Winning or losing is not important. We have to use our own strength to enjoy the real contest.” Announced the coach

When the contest begins, the first team goes to play. While playing, Kyle was nervous but he continues to try his best. After few rounds, Kyle was sweating but he continues to hit the ball. Then, his foot starts hurting but he continues to catch the ball.

“Break time. Take a rest now.” Announced the coach

“I am so exhausted. I have to drink some water now.” Exhausted Jacky

“I can still play. Having a rest and fill up my energy should be good.” Says Kyle

“Do not pull yourself.” Says Jacky

“Kyle, did you tell your friends to see you play?” Asked Brian, his teammate

“No.” Replied Kyle

“Why?” Asked Brian

“I don’t my skills are good for them to see it. They rarely hang out with me and ignored me often. Since they are busy, I won’t bother them.” Says Kyle

“You should still tell them to come to see how hard you work.” Recommended Brian

“That’s okay. I don’t want to bother them. They have their own important tasks to do. I shall go for a drink of water now.” Replied Kyle as he goes to the water fountain

“See you later.” Called Brian

“That is true that my friends often ignored me and think that I’m so annoying for being at their event. In fact, autism is part of my mental illness. I don’t know how to communicate and dress like surroundings. I know my friends didn’t like me copying their style but I want to know how to dress appropriate for society. I said too much conversation that might anger my friends but I don’t know what I should say since I have less social experience. During the event, I did too much mistake and caused too much confusion. I really hate myself for not organizing the community well. In that case, I just stay alone so people won’t feel negative for seeing me. That’s the reason why I rejected going to a family celebration because my parents might yell at me for doing some tragedy. I don’t want to embarrass them in front of other relatives’ friends; same for friends’ event. Currently, I go outside often to explore and learn to treat my mental health issue.” Thought Kyle

“Everyone, next round is almost starting.” Called the coach

Kyle and his teammates went back to the spot and continue playing. At the last round, Kyle and Jacky are left. When the other team hit the ball, Kyle misses it. Later, he hits the ball out of the line. His team loses a few points.

“Focus; do not feel nervous.” Says Jacky

Jacky hits the ball over the net. Then, the other team hits it. When it bounces off the floor, Kyle hits it up. The ball goes over the net and the other player hits it back. Then, Kyle hits it back and the other player misses it.

“Great work. Keep it up.” Cheered Jacky

At the last minutes, Kyle hits the ball over the net. Other player hits it back.

“Jacky, yours.” Called Kyle

Then, he hits it and it bounce off the floor on the other side and it bounce over the line.

“Yay! We won!” Excited Kyle

“Great job.” Cheered Jacky

“Good work, team. Proud of all of you.” Excited the coach

Next morning, Kyle is sleeping for extra hours than before. He did not slept much while he was practicing. He is relaxing.

(Phone rings)

“Hello.” Yawned Kyle

“Hello, Kyle.” Says Alvin

“Alvin, how are you?” Asked Kyle

“I’m good. What about you?” Asked Alvin

“I’m good, too.” Replied Kyle

“Celina and I got back together. We did discuss the situation together and solve the problem. You are right that we should discuss the situation together to get this fix. I apologize to her for not contacting her so long. She also apologizes for not giving me space and think too much. We are together again.” Says Alvin

“Glad to hear that.” Pleased Kyle

“Want to hang out to karaoke today? A group of friends are coming.” Asked Alvin

“That shall be fun. I will also invite Taylor, Alan, and May. We can introduce each other.” Requested Kyle

“That shall be fun. Let’s meet 2pm near the mall.” Says Alvin

“Okay, see you later.” Replied Kyle

“See you.” Replied Alvin as they hang up

Kyle is smiling inside now. He keeps on trying his best for treatment. Even his friends did ignore him and angered about his conversation, he still tries his best to socialize. Therefore, he sets up his alarm and goes back to sleep.

The End